I'm back, feeling better every day, but still not 100%. I hope you are well.
Today's weekend vibezz fell on February 14th, Valentine's Day. You can love or hate this commercial holiday, the shops are full of heart-shaped gifts, the flower shops and chocolate business is booming, as are wellness hotel and restaurant reservations. But this "holiday" is not only for lovers, but also for friendships. In many countries, friendships are also celebrated on this day - so I wish all my readers a Happy Heart's Day.
I think you've noticed a few changes to the blog, and I hope you like the new design. As I mentioned in my post last week, I've been enjoying "playing around" with AI lately. I started generating images primarily to create something unique for my cross-stitch hobby. I'm currently experimenting with how well images can be transferred into stitched images. But since I've created quite a few good images that I like, I thought I'd share them than to sit on it and hold it back. I've come up with a few favourites that are dear to my heart, and I'd like to implement them in cross-stitch.
I've always wanted to have some "my own creation" for my blog and my hobby, and now this little wish has finally come true. A few months ago I wanted a completely different concept, but while I was tossing and turning in bed sick in the evenings, this idea came to me. The image had been ready since weeks, but at the time I didn't know what I needed it for. With the previous image, I felt that it was "outdated", no longer relevant. I'm not saying that there aren't armadas of spaceships around Earth and our solar system, but that the focus is completely different now.
Those we have been waiting for are already here, doing their job, as are we, some this way, some that way. The focus is now more on Mother Earth, and the Goddess energy, because in these turbulent times, kindness, grace, love, nurturing and soft energies are very important, so that we do not lose ourselves in the chaos outside and inside, because it is very easy to spiral into low frequency mode, due to external changes, internal purges and constant mind chat.
We have been operating with masculine energies for so long, especially us women, that we have forgotten what it is like to surround ourselves, the world with real, pure, feminine energies. To express ourselves in whatever word, deed, hobby, and to truly embrace ourselves with all our aspects, requires great courage, as a trauma arose in many people when they exposed their inner world to the world and received nothing in return but rejection, coldness, criticism, hurt and misunderstanding. Perhaps this is why depression has become a common disease, as we suppress who we are within ourselves, we compromise in order to receive acceptance from the majority in return. Humans has always lived in families, tribes, we are actually a social being, and in today's world, loneliness is what eats a person from the inside. Even though there are 8 billion of people on Earth, even though we are surrounded by so many people, we still feel alone.
We want to fit in, get acceptance, understood, seen so much that we often compromise for it, dim our light, going with the mainstream flow, going after what is "normal", "allowed", because who wants to be socially excluded. No matter how much we try to fit into the box that this society has generated, some part of our body always peeks out of it. We have to realize that we were not born to the size of a "normal matrix box". Our task is to embrace our uniqueness, stand strong in it, stand out, even if the tornado of chaos of the world sucks us in, we still remain true to our path, our soul and our tasks. Each and every soul has brought something unique to this planet and without it this common symphony would not be complete.
I also wanted to "fit in" but no matter how many times I tried I stood out from the crowd. But more than that I always wanted to belong somewhere. During a meditation I had a short vision, about this thought. I saw humanity walking en masse and between every 10-20 people there was a tall slim alien figure, completely standing out from the crowd. The placement of these outstanding figures was perfectly arranged. The people didn't notice us, but they was calm as they marched, and we were, smiling and walking with them, and we saw each other.
As the spiritual community calls "us" - lightworkers, lightwarriors (I not really like these names to be honest), we often find ourselves "isolated" from each other and there are hardly any people in our immediate environment who resonate with us, are on the same wavelength, or understand us. Many of us grew up being the "black sheep" of the family, because very often - which is also our task - we stand out - we break with the unhealthy family dynamics. It's not an easy task to be a light, a way shower, healer, a seer, an empath, but even the most beautiful diamonds or lotuses blossom into perfection under difficult circumstances.
What struck me is that you have to go through what you are going through in order to understand, heal, and show the way to others who are going through the same thing. Because at that time you have a natural compassion, patience, and understanding about the thing - the event, and you can give advice, attention, truths, healing, and wisdom to others, because you have already walked that path.
Now I'm going to share my story with you, especially if you want to create something and not make the same mistake I did back then.
It all started in elementary school when my favourite Hungarian teacher gave us an assignment to write an essay in class, which could be anything. I've never had a problem with my imagination since I was a child, and that was the first time I wrote down a vision of mine. Back then, I had no inhibitions or fears about writing down what was inside me. The story in short: something happened in the world, the sky is grey, smoky, our street and our house was in ruins and I was sitting alone on the ruins, crying, but suddenly a spaceship descended from the sky and then landed on the street close to me. A handsome young man stepped out of it, I recognized him it was Luke Skywalker and he told me what had happened to our world and that he had come to take me to safety.
My teacher really loved it, he read it to the others and my class laughed. That's when I first felt embarrassment and a bit shame about my inner world and fantasy. This teacher even included my short fantasy story in the school newspaper. He was the one who encouraged me to write. Then not only my class, but the whole school knew that my crush was Luke from Star Wars... and now you too.
I started writing, a book, but also short stories. I gave it to my mother to read, and I watched every emotion on her face, what came out of it - crying, laughing, indifference? I started to depend on outside opinions, reactions and validations.
My mother's and my friends opinion and appreciation were no longer enough, and then I came across a writer on the internet (I had never heard of him before) on whose page you could upload your short story and he would give you his opinion, help you correct mistakes, and give you advice. Many people took advantage of the opportunity and I wanted to try it myself.
I wrote a very dark short story, inspired by my friend´s dark poem, about a new-born baby who was thrown away, who is found by a homeless person with one leg and taken to a nearby hospital to be saved. Even then, I was sensitive to social issues, and with this short story I wanted to draw attention to abandoned new-borns babies issue. I uploaded it to the website and within a few days the "expert opinion" was published, which caused me to stop writing for years - decades. The criticism I received was very negative, the stylistic errors I not took on my heart, I thought it was constructive criticism, but what broke me was that they questioned, nullified my imagination, my voice, my message. My writing is not viable - there is no such thing, shit this and that etc. The worst thing is that at least 20 people criticized my short story negatively and not a single person stood up for me or saw good in it. Unfortunately, many unwanted babies are abandoned in the world, not even given a chance to live, and why shouldn't a kind-hearted homeless person be the one to give it a chance? This writer was able to extinguish my passion for a long time except my fantasy just I not shared with nobody what´s in me anymore...as if the flame that burned inside me had been blown out. And why? Because I naively placed him above myself, since he was a recognized author with a few accolades, and I gave my power away to him and the other new writers.
External validity and acceptance were too important to me, so much that I started not trusting myself, what I had to say especially it founded to deaf ear. The breakthrough came when there was an opportunity, a competition at a book publisher, where you could apply with your manuscript and the jury would publish the 3 best stories in book form. I wrote day and night, besides school, to finish my book, which I started in elementary school. I sent it, waited months, hoped, prayed, wished, this was my dream back then.
Then I broke down again. I was not the chosen one. But I didn't give up so easily, I sent my manuscript to all book publishers and was disappointed again, because they either didn't even wrote to me back or rejected me. The only publisher who talked to me was self-publishing, where I would have had to raise the money for it. My parents couldn't help me because of our financial situation, so I had to turn down this only option, since there was no Amazon or e-books or anything else at that time. I was devastated, the flickering light had finally gone out. I thought the problem was with me, or that there really was no buyer for my imagination. Nobody wanted to read about other dimensional world who protecting ours. A few years later, when I felt like writing again, it simply didn't work, I no longer felt the same way I did then, like you want to light a wet match.
I expressed my opinions about things to my family and friends, but I didn't dare to write them down to people I didn't know, especially in the internet because I was still in pain from all the negative criticism, laugh and rejection. I saw in many comments that people were so capable of fighting and bite each other's throat over differences of opinion that I didn't want this kind of experience. I covered myself up by saying that others before me had already written the same thoughts what I wanted to say about things, and they do much better than I ever would.
Then I started this blog, and then over the years I tried to write again, to test the waters. That was a little breakthrough, as I watched people in a few comment sections on Facebook, for example, and I came to the conclusion that if these "ignorant" people can use any kind of expression about themself and their opinions themselves in any form be it rude, negative, selfish etc, then why can't I? So I started writing some very short posts, and through many years I finally here, where I write about things, share my opinion and express myself. It´s a long journey.
A few years ago, when I started making my first cross-stitch picture, I felt something like I did when I wrote as a kid. I was surprised that I had so much patience and perseverance to spend months making each picture and already starting a new one after. My passion came back, I found joy in the hobby, that I can create something by hand, with earthly materials, and I am grateful that I can do it. Then I told myself - Don't let anyone take that away from you again - no matter what anyone says or does. I love what I do, I love creating and I love looking at my finished pictures, and I want the future owner to find joy in them as much as I do.
It took a long time to heal, embrace the lesson what I learned, so that I can give to you. If you have a passion, a hobby, don't let other people take away those. Don't give your power away to others. Empower yourself. Trust yourself. Don't let external opinions and validations or events define you and your worth. Not every hobby is fiery passionate, but there are those that bring you peace, calm, or healing.
I also created a new page on the blog where I will upload my and AI's brainchild. If you like any of them, you can use them but please credit me back or my blog. Thank you :) http://beyondtheveil2017.blogspot.com/p/my-pictures.html
That's all I have for today, and to close, some music, again from Schiller.
Have a nice weekend and have a great new week :)
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