"You're here because you know something. What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me." Morpheus - Matrix
The energies are powerful and chaotic, and the collective energy field feels overwhelming. I also feel that attacks from dark entities have increased significantly since the start of the U.S.–Israel–Iran attack.
Before I wrote my previous post, my days were stable. I felt good, my hobbies were recharging me, and I threw myself into building and creating.
After I published my previous article on this blog, by the evening I started to feel energetically, mentally, and emotionally drained. I became unstable, negative emotions and thoughts flooded me, and I felt like all the time and energy I had invested in myself to heal had been thrown in the trash, because I ended up at the same dead end as before.
First of all, I would like to wish everyone a Happy New Year and a Happy Chinese New Year, as the Year of the Fire Horse has officially begun, and everything is gaining momentum. This Horse year and the new planetary alignments have stirred the still waters and rather loudly kicked the door open in terms of planetary events. Sometimes we can barely keep up with all the new developments, but it’s important to stay grounded and anchored in our inner peace and balance.
The past year – and this January and February – have not been easy. The Year of the Snake was about shedding our skin: transforming our old selves, old belief systems, and overall the way we cope with life. Transformation is an ongoing project in our individual lives as well as on a planetary level – a constant death and rebirth, just like in nature: winter, spring, summer, autumn, and winter again. Everything is cyclical, as above so below. The planets are moving, creating new energies, and down here nature is going through its own transformation. Some elements do not survive, yet they make space for something new.
This is my last post for this so-called year 2025… if we are even calling it 2025 at all, because in this world it’s worth questioning everything. After all, we know that calendars have been changed multiple times since the beginning of human timekeeping, and I am certain that our history is full of holes.
Regardless of the year or the calendar, this year was not an easy one. Whether you wanted it or not, change happened — from the outside or from within. It was a time of lessons, aha moments, realizations, transformation, closures, shedding an old life and an old self — a molting period. According to the Chinese, it was the Year of the Snake.
Every ending is followed by a new beginning, just as nature follows its own cycles, life its own rhythm. And since we are part of life, these cycles inevitably appear in our own human lives as well. Think about who you were, what you were like, and where you were years ago — and where you stand now. How much you have experienced on life’s roller coaster, and yet you are still here. Probably battered by storms, like most of us, but you are healing, moving forward on your path, and finally beginning to reclaim your power, to get to know your true self.
How are the last few months of the year going for everyone?
To be honest, November has been quite intense and eventful for me so far, both internally and externally. If I remember correctly — it feels like it was months ago — there were 4–5 X-class solar flares, and each one brought a different shadow layer to the surface for me. Which isn’t surprising, since we were in Scorpio season, and that energy is always transformative. It’s the sign that deep-dives into the subconscious, the unseen; the sign that descends into the depths, battles its demons, and brings to the surface things that have been suppressed or hiding within us. No wonder this is the time filled with revelations and the beginning of the death-and-rebirth cycle within and around us.
The first X-class flare was actually quite positive for me — I felt satisfied with my life, myself, and my work. I was surprised, because whenever I feel even a little bit happy or content, something almost always happens that knocks me out of it. I really wished that feeling could last longer than a day. The next day there was another flare, and that one brought up a new layer of self-worth and self-esteem issues — not being chosen. Yes, you read that right. Even though I’m “active” on the internet, I still have plenty of issues related to self-worth… good old past-life stuff mixed with childhood traumas I’ve been carrying around and trying to heal for a while now. And then — boom — another layer rose to the surface.
This is just a little mini update to say I'm alive – but unfortunately, the blog has taken a backseat for a while now, and it’ll probably stay on the backburner for a bit longer.
I’ve started a new project alongside my existing cross-stitching, and now I’m juggling the two, trying to keep both moving forward in their own way.
My brother has been suggesting for years that I start a new YouTube channel where I read bedtime stories aloud.
Where did he get that idea?
I assume it goes back to our childhood when we shared a room and the Harry Potter craze hit. He got the first book as a gift, and since he wasn’t much of a reader but was curious about the story, we came up with the idea that I would read it to him at night.
Well, by the time I got to page three, he was already asleep – and let me tell you, he was not an easy sleeper.
Now that he’s a dad, and his child seems to have inherited his sleep habits – meaning he only falls asleep in the car or with white noise – he figured maybe my voice would help. We tested it out, and so far, it seems to work! The stories are short, but he plays them one after another for my nephew.
Thank you so much the nice comments and the support under my previous article😸
I’m aware that since I left this space, many people have moved on, and perhaps upon hearing this news about how I’ll be continuing, even more might decide not to join me on the next phase of the journey—and that’s okay. I’m happy if someone stays, and for those who don’t, I wish them a beautiful life and hope they find what they’re looking for—whatever it is that supports them on their path.
So, how will we continue on the blog?
With me.
There won’t be any more copied and pasted mainstream social media articles—unless something feels really important, and even then, it’ll be shared only with proper quotes and links. There might still be memes, because I do enjoy humor, and perhaps some music too, since that’s another love of mine. There will be cross-stitch updates, pictures—and the rest will unfold naturally along the way. I have no concrete plan at the moment. I won’t say my posts will be regular—I'll write when inspiration finds me and I have something to say.
An intense August is slowly coming to an end, and we’re stepping into a new month. The energies are powerful—there’s a massive cosmic radiation affecting the Earth right now, which is quite challenging for our bodies. Wishing strength and resilience to all of you.
I have an announcement to make: due to personal reasons and recent events, I’ve decided to step back from the “online public space” for a while. So far, it’s been sheer mental stubbornness that carried me through the difficult days, but it’s getting harder. It feels like the 10 of Wands or 10 of Swords in tarot—emotionally, it’s becoming too heavy to carry.
It’s simply overwhelming to scroll through social media every day, constantly reading and collecting spiritual messages from various people. Each day, I feel like I’m pushing others’ carts forward by bringing their truth and perspective here—each one a different frequency, a small puzzle piece—and holding space for it all through my blog. But it leaves me with no time, energy, or even desire to share my own voice. The blog has become an obligation, rigid and saturated with other people's words and energies—and that’s what makes it heavy.
I would like to thank everyone who participated in the 12:21 Ascension Portal Activation Part 1 & 2.
The good news is that we reached critical mass twice, but we still need to complete the third and final activation to fully open and anchor the gate. We’ve got this, and hopefully, something will truly manifest in this reality as well.
The energy we brought down was beautiful, soft, and powerful. I could feel it not only during the meditation but all day long, pouring into our reality. During the meditation, I saw the new dawn — the Sun looked the way it did when I was a child. The sky was a stunning mix of blue and pink, and the energy was crystal clear, totally different from what we experience now. It was fresh, golden energy, and the Sun radiated its light equally everywhere. We could feel it — we were dancing, laughing, feeling happy and free.
How was the 8/8 Lion’s Gate spiced up with the Full Moon?
Pretty epic and powerful... though next time I’d rather skip it.
My best friend was my bed, but between these intense energies, the returning Austrian heatwave, and the resulting headache, I couldn’t really sleep.
It really targeted my third eye — I could literally feel I had a chakra in the middle of my forehead… so I just lay there trying to chill.
I also made a little note to my spirit guides:
If there’s ever another project like “ascend with your body” — with all the timeline jumps and dimension shifts — just leave me out of it next time. I’m not signing any contracts, not taking overtime, not even for discounted experience points that I can later redeem for the Source’s brand-new experiment.
Now I get it — we get it — why the ancestors ascended without a physical body!
Without music, the world would be a dull and colorless reality.
Music used to be part of this blog for a long time—some people liked it, some didn’t, but to me, it truly feels like something’s missing without that little splash of color. Since I haven’t been writing personal posts lately, I thought I’d share music instead—sometimes with a few thoughts, sometimes without. It’s a small sign that even if my posting is irregular, I’m still here.
For those who have been following me for a while and have read my Weekend Vibezz articles, you might remember that at the end of January, I took on quite a big challenge — I decided to create my very own cross-stitch piece.
I’ve always wanted to make something unique, and since this hobby has been a big part of my life for years — something I truly enjoy in my free time — it felt like the right moment. Until now, I had only ever stitched designs made by others, like so many cross-stitchers around the world. But with this project, I decided to take a completely new path.
Since I can’t really draw, and I can’t afford to hire an artist at the moment, using an AI image generator seemed like the best option. I know many people think that generating images with AI is “unfair” or purely derivative of other works, but in my view, it blends learned (copied) techniques with the user’s own ideas — two elements coming together to create something new. That doesn’t mean AI can replace artists — not at all. Human creativity, the soul expressed through the human mind, is endlessly deep and powerful, and AI will never come close to replicating that.
I often browse online stores to see the latest cross-stitch kits or look through PDF charts made by other creators on Etsy, but I never really found anything that spoke to me — especially in this galactic style - I found none. That’s why I wanted to create something truly unique, something that reflects what I love.
The image generation process was pretty rough at first. It took the program quite a while to understand what I really wanted. After about 20 attempts — when I was close to giving up — this image finally appeared. Love at first sight. I was completely captivated by it, in every way. I knew immediately: this is the one I want to stitch. The play of light and shadow on a galactic feline warrior — it had everything.
I did a lot of research on how to turn the image into a chart I could stitch from, and which program could reproduce the original image as faithfully as possible. I ended up using Flosscross, which is free (huge thanks for that!). The setup was easy. At first, I thought the image was too dark, so I lightened it in the program. I also initially aimed for a medium-sized chart, but the result looked too pixelated. So I cranked it up to the maximum — 300x300. Later I realized that would result in a 49x49 cm image — something I’d never attempted before. Oh well, let’s do it! My motto when it comes to my hobby is "if I can sew this, I can sew anything."
I printed the PDF chart, cut the fabric to size, picked the colors, and started stitching. What motivated me was the excitement of trying something new, and curiosity about what it will be like — my very first independent project. When I got to the pink thread, though, I hesitated… Seriously? My lion warrior is going to be pink? Time to rework the plan.
I put the image back into the program, kept the original dark tones, exported a new PDF, picked new colors, and since my printer was almost out of ink, I worked off my computer for a while. Eventually, I realized I much prefer using paper charts — looking at the screen every day isn’t for me. I know many people use mobile apps, but I’m not a fan. We bought new ink, printed the 28-page chart again, and I continued with the updated colors.
Meanwhile, I joined a few cross-stitch Facebook groups, and while scrolling through images and comments, I picked up all kinds of tips and new terms — like “confetti stitch,” which means a ton of different colors scattered everywhere. This design definitely falls into that category, and there were moments it nearly drove me to tears. When I wasn’t stitching, I was watching YouTube videos about cross-stitch tips and techniques, and generating new galactic feline images for future projects. Some of the best images were created with Leonardo AI — and I already have quite a few I’d love to stitch someday, if the stars align.
I started this project on January 24 and finished it on May 30 — more than four months of work, stitching nearly every day for 1 to 10 hours. Winter turned into spring, and then early summer by the time I completed this massive piece. It was a real journey. I learned so much — it took willpower, patience, love for the craft, and a whole lot of dedication. But I never once wanted to give up — this was my creation.
Toward the end, something shifted — I briefly lost the “passion” and the “peace” during a recent solar storm. But it came back quickly, especially after I started working on a stamped cross-stitch piece for fun. It gave me the boost I needed to finally finish the Lion Warrior.
By the way, if you’re thinking of getting into cross-stitching, I highly recommend starting with stamped cross-stitch kits. I’ll share more about that once I finish my current one.
So here it is — the final piece! Unfortunately, the camera doesn’t quite capture the colors — I think it looks much better in person. Personally, I’m totally satisfied with the result… although I’m not sure I’ll ever make a piece this big again, haha..or who knows I can be so crazy again. The finished size is 47x49 cm, with 90,000 stitches and 54 colors. The estimated value is €900, and I plan to sell it for between €300–500. I still need to steam it and frame it. This will be a one-of-a-kind piece… but I hope I´m able to create a whole series of Galactic Felines...because I have the raw material for the picture (no, I won't make it public yet), I just need time (I have at the moment) - and money for yarn (may the Universe will help if I need to bring alive these projects :))
Hello again... better late than never. This is the third time I’ve started this post within the past three weeks. You might have noticed that I haven’t had a personal post in a while this month. The reason is simple: somehow, the words just didn’t come to me, and I didn’t feel like I had to write, even though there were things happening that I could have written about. This is not the first time I’ve had a block like this, and while I’ve broken through it before and the post turned out as it did, this time I simply decided to go with the flow and do something else when I couldn’t jot down my thoughts.
These March energies are quite intense, often leaving me exhausted. There were mornings when I woke up tired, and there were times when the energy just hit me, and I had to lie down for a few hours to recharge before I could continue my day. It’s funny, but you could call it "buffer time," because during rest, the body integrates incoming energies more easily, and our spirit guides work with us more effectively when there’s no resistance. The cleansing process is ongoing, and the easiest way is to go through the things and emotions that arise with ease and grace, because it’s much easier afterward. Several past and present wounds, hurts, and pains came up for me as well, which I cried myself to sleep over, and in the morning, I felt much, much better. In the past, a bad, unpleasant, and heavy thing would follow the other, no matter how hopeful and positive you were. The "shit tsunami" would often come in force, whereas this year, I’ve noticed that life is finally compensating in the right direction. It’s as if the invisible scale finally balances something good after something "bad," if you stay positive or not.
After the Lunar Eclipse, the New Moon and Solar Eclipse are coming, making sure to bathe the surface population in strong and transformative energies, because let’s face it, we carry so many heavy burdens from life to life, and often not all of it is ours. We inherit unresolved and unhealed burdens from our ancestors, and many of us carry the collective human energy as well.
In terms of world events, quite a lot has happened. The Cabal ensures that the show must go on. Here in Europe, they are pushing the continuation of the Ukrainian war and the armament of Europe - ReArm Europe plan - Readiness 2030, and they want the population to participate in it. Well, an average person doesn’t want war, and they’re not going to spend their savings (for those who have any) on the toys of war profiteers, especially when costs are rising and many companies are going bankrupt, leaving behind a lot of unemployed people.
Another front is the animal epidemic, where large numbers of cattle and livestock are being slaughtered unnecessarily in Poland, Romania and Hungary. I saw a small report with a young girl who inherited her grandfather’s profession and is now rescuing and taking care of livestock - cows, pigs, goats etc. This was the girl’s life and dream, and the authorities took everything from her, emotionally crippling her. Even though she had her animals tested and the results were negative (meaning they were all healthy), the authorities – a hunter – killed them all. This report was touched my heart especially about the injustice and I wanted to share this but Facebook has now blocked it and it is not available anymore. Cabal try again control our food supply as they do around the globe and later they will sell the meat at gold prices.
Another chaos-causing event, or "they know what’s coming," is that the population has been urged to have enough food, water, medicine, and alternative power sources, meaning "to be on their own for 72 hours," and member states are also urged to stockpile supplies. Hmm, this smells like a 3-day darkness, which would likely be a power, internet, and communication shutdown.https://www.theguardian.com/world/2025/mar/26/stockpile-supplies-72-hours-disasters-attack-eu-tells-citizens
This week, there was a beautiful sight in the sky across Europe, and mainstream media even reported on it. Many people had theories, but since the SpaceX launch happened around the same time, it was quickly explained away with that. Whatever it was, it was a pretty sight. I didn’t see it, as generally, when there’s any celestial phenomenon here, the weather is cloudy.
The Middle Eastern conflict is also burning, as are the Florida´s swamps. Powerful Earthquakes, unusual weather, floods etc. It looks like the chaos created by natural and amplifying this with Cabal´s forces attacking on all fronts until it collapses within itself, just like every great empire in the cyclical flow of history.
Also, an Egyptian discovery is keeping the media excited. It’s strange that it’s happening now because this technology has existed before, and many scientists and people are engaged in finding out what’s under the pyramids. It reminds me of an ancient energy power bank.
After a cold and dry winter, spring has finally arrived with plenty of sunshine and rain. Nature is finally awakening, and I’ve even set up my solar figurine string lights... I love them; they create such a cosy vibe at night. Here are a few pictures from my little garden.
I’m still working a lot on my cross-stitch project; it’s quite detailed and large, which is why it’s progressing slowly, but I think the final result will be really good. I’ve also generated a few more images, and some of them have been uploaded to the blog. The ones that might be part of a project, I haven’t posted. Unfortunately, I’ve encountered situations in a few innocent cross-stitch support groups where some people steal images of other people's work and present them as their own. But why? For a few likes? We don’t stitch for likes and praise; we do it because we love it and for the feeling it gives us. It calms me down, grounds me, gives me peace, and a sense of achievement as months of work and small stitches come together into a picture.
Unfortunately, there have been a few cases where people tried to scam me during picture sales, as well as numerous email scams. The funniest one was someone who contacted me on behalf of the Illuminati to make my dreams come true... they clearly hadn’t read my blog...
Sadly, there’s been an increase in scammers in many areas of life who deceive people for a small or large amount of money. There have always been scammers, but they seem to have multiplied and become more cunning. So, everyone should use common sense, think things through, research, trust their gut feeling, and not let themselves become victims of fraud.
The closing post of this week’s blog features a song from a series that I really enjoy: Wheel of Time. The third season is currently airing and this song was accompany with breath-taking landscape pictures - instant fall in love with it. If you like fantasy series, magic, conflict, character development, prophecies, drama, and quests, I think you’ll enjoy it too.
When will the next Weekend Vibezz post be, will it remain regular or rather irregular...I don't know, just as I don't know if there is a demand for it, would you like to read it, or should I stick to posting other people's posts...we'll find out. In addition, I do what I feel like doing, be it generating images, embroidering or writing. I wish everyone perseverance in this powerful energetic period and peace, because this world really needs it.
Have a nice weekend and good start of the new month! April´s energy is loading :)
It's 7 am in Austria and while I was drinking my small coffee, 4 airplane pulled the line.
I haven't seen the sky towards us so striped in a long time.
Spring-like temperatures of +17 degrees are forecast for this week with plenty of sunshine... -6 degrees this morning, but it could be up to +15 degrees by the afternoon.
Did they suddenly start spraying intensively in your country too?
The last day has come, and we can say goodbye to February and welcome March this weekend. The energies have been intense this week, with solar flares and the accompanying symptoms possibly making our daily lives more difficult. I even had to take a nap on Tuesday to be able to function somewhat for the rest of the day.
Lately, I've been spending most of my time on my cross-stitch project, which requires a lot of work and patience since this will be the largest piece I've made so far. I’m also very curious to see how closely it will resemble the original image. In the future, I’d like to experiment with different genres, but there's that saying, ""Man proposes but God disposes." We’ll see what comes of these plans.
I uploaded a few pictures to the blog that I created, mainly fantasy images inspired by the World of Warcraft game. Yes, I really like elves—no wonder my favorite character is Drizzt Do'Urden from the Dungeons & Dragons world, created by R.A. Salvatore. Fantasy is my favorite genre, where magic exists, many different races live together in a world, and magical creatures like dragons reside. Fantasy is a spectacular fairytale world where only your imagination can set the limit, and sometimes it’s great to escape our fixed world and dive into this one.
When I was a little girl, around 3 years old, my stepfather started entertaining me with "magic tricks" to get closer to me, as my parents had divorced. Back then, I didn’t know they were tricks, and I truly believed we had magical powers. It felt so empowering to believe that I had some kind of power and could make things disappear or manifest if I concentrated hard enough, whether it was a playing card or a coin. That was my passion back then—doing magic and becoming better at it. At that time, I believed the world was magical, like the way light shines through a prism.
When my dad took me to his new family, my stepmother had to "play magic" with me too, and she really didn’t like it. One day, the playing cards didn’t disappear when I focused hard on making them vanish. No matter how much I tried, it didn’t work. "Maybe I’m the problem, I’m not concentrating hard enough." My stepmother got fed up with the game and explained that I didn’t have any "magical powers" because they had always been the ones making things disappear and putting them back in place. It felt like a slap in the face—my childlike nature and belief shattered that day, and the world turned gray before my eyes. "So this is how the world works, people have no power..." I thought, and from that day on, I never played "magic tricks" or thought about it again.
But did my family and this world manage to erase that desire from me? No… because I dreamed. In a dream, I was practicing with a friend in a huge cobblestone street, capturing energies, and we even reshaped some of the street's stones, which the city’s residents were not very happy about. Later, I was able to "ride" the wind currents, like when we float on the currents of salty water in this world, and let the wind carry me. Later, I found fantasy books where wizards existed, capable of working with elemental energies, druids who could transform into any animal, and where dragons, griffins, and other mythical creatures lived. I never believed the dragons were greedy, lazy, destructive, or foolish creatures. In fact, I admired them, and deep down, I felt and knew that they weren’t like what this world said about them. Dreams, fantasy books, and games prevented this matrix from completely turning me gray and into a lifeless robot figure.
Later, I fell in love with a series called Heroes, where people got supernatural abilities, such as telepathy, telekinesis, self-healing, precognition, and manipulating the space-time continuum, among others. Then came Star Wars, and I wanted to be a Jedi. We can call it magic or abilities, but deep down, I believed and longed for these powers as if they belonged to me or as if I had them "once upon a time," making the world complete and exciting.
In reality, these so-called supernatural abilities are innate to us, but due to programming and blockages, they fade and become forgotten. However, as we clear, reprogram ourselves, and connecting back to our core essence they return. Many people are already using these abilities, such as clairvoyance, clairaudience, energy reading, future sight, remote viewing, dreaming, etc., all of which are exciting discoveries and help us navigate this world, heal it, and bring new things here. But how do we develop these abilities? Meditation, stillness, and practice help a lot, especially if we are truly serious and our intentions are clear regarding their use.
The purpose of this post is to say that if you have or will have a young child, let them stay in that rainbow-colored little warm bubble because they are still connected with their soul, their inner child, and their abilities. Don’t kill their dreams, their childhood, with the bittersweet adult view of life, responsibilities and your own projected traumas and hurt. Young children still have their third eye open and very empath—they see and feel the energies, what we cannot and may know things we've long forgotten. Conditioning and gaslighting make them "average," so they can fit into the matrix box. To them, this place is magical, exiting, full of unlimited possibilities and potential. Don’t take away their sweet childhood dreams, because they will pay a high price for it later. These new generation children are completely different from those before, and I believe that with good guidance and protection, they are capable of great things if we let them. The old matrix has run its course, and with the new one, we must dare to dream, do, and build together. Because who wouldn’t want a fantasy utopian life? That’s what the New Age is about—returning to ourselves, living and being in harmony with nature and others.
I wish for everybody a very good weekend and blessed March!
Good day to everyone :) This week has been energetically quite intense, which not only burdened our physical bodies but also our nervous systems, and many physical, mental, and emotional symptoms have been felt. The recalibration and cleansing continue, not only with us humans but also with the Earth. This week, when I went for a walk and looked at nature, one word came to my mind - change. Nature changes cyclically, life is a series of changes, just like with us humans. We change a lot day by day and month by month, even if our minds don't see the changes, as it perceives that nothing is happening. But something is always happening, it just needs a shift in focus.
Today's weather is not like it was years ago. Since I've been living here in Austria, I don't remember a winter being as cold, frosty, and dry as this one. As I talk to people from different parts of the world, they all report that the usual seasons are now different, and they are experiencing things they've never experienced before. I feel sorry for the children now, as they couldn't build snowmen or go sledding this winter season.
The drama on the world stage continues. It seems to me that since Trump won the election, a domino effect has started, because the skeletons that were previously hidden in the closet are now starting to fall out, and the media is reporting on it. I think this is a good direction toward disclosure, something that was once just conspiracy theory, and the unveiling of the Cabal and its previous "activities" to humanity.
A video from Benjamin Fulford appeared, where he reports that the Cabal wants to take him out, and he also talks about the Japanese police and who the real members of the Japanese government are. You can watch it here - with English subtitles:
This is not the first time they've tried to silence Fulford, as he releases a lot of information about the Khazarian mafia and world news, which the media presents in a completely different way. Regarding the Japanese government, I had a conversation with an old Japanese friend years ago, and he also said the same thing - that it's actually not the Japanese who are running the government, but China."
The bottom line, which I’ve mentioned before, is that the governments of different countries serve foreign and private interests, not the people of their own country, who actually voted them in. In Austria, there is still no legitimate government since last year's election because the various parties couldn’t agree on a coalition, so maybe there will be another election, or the parties will pull themselves together and finally focus on the interests of Austrian citizens instead of fighting over the spoils of power. Until then, the economy and people's welfare are declining, inflation and prices are rising, and more and more large companies - workplaces - are going bankrupt. The iconic Austrian souvenir chocolate, Mozart Kugel, also went bankrupt last year (it was in foreign hands), so the production of this sweet has come to an end.
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This week's topic is for those who feel left behind in life, and this is something that came up again during my "meltdown" this week. Some call it a midlife crisis, others call it burnout, but the feeling is the same. The feeling that you’re a supporting character on the stage of life, and you're dragging behind, because at your age, you're not where others are, you haven’t hit those milestones yet. But why do we think this way? In this matrix society, we've created an achievement process, which we call the "order of life," but it’s really a generational programming. I remember when I used to talk to my parents about life and they more or less explained how it’s supposed to go. You’re born, you're a child, you finish school, get a profession, go to work, earn money, get married, have a home, have children, work, retire, and then you die. Even then, I thought, “Is that it? Is that life?!” It seemed so bleak, cold, and where am I in all this? I'm going through the motions in this big world, fulfilling my “duties” and then eventually dying. Where is the happiness, the love of life, the miracles, the playfulness, and the exploration that we saw life as when we were kids? I didn’t see my parents or the people around me as happy, fulfilled, content, or peaceful. I even used to tell my parents that I didn’t want to grow up, I didn’t want to be so “tired, worn out, and unhappy.” They told me I couldn’t be a child forever, that I would eventually understand what it was like to be an adult. My stepfather believed that as a woman, I would find fulfilment in raising children, that would be my source of happiness, because that’s my primary task... do you think I agreed with him? Me, as a woman, could only fulfil myself through motherhood? Then where’s the "I" in this game as an individual? To be honest, my worldview clashed with my family’s many times, as I was the eternal rebel, never satisfied with how things were.
I saw children as beings in rainbow colors, and adults were gray, having lost their colors, that inner prism. I didn’t want to be like that, but as I moved through life’s ups and downs, the lens through which I saw life and myself faded, the grayness settled in, and I understood why I saw adults the way I did. All those lessons, struggles, the “slaps” from life, and the programming, like a black mass, attaches itself to this inner lens through which we view life, and we slowly move away from that inner child, from our soul.
We all have desires, this inner driving force that gives us the strength to get up in the morning and get through the day. It’s like the carrot on the stick, being waved in front of us, and we run a marathon trying to reach it. But often the "divine timing" is so far away that we give up halfway. This is why we feel like we’re falling behind. But are we really lagging in life, or is it just a mental perspective?
Most of the suffering comes from comparing our lives with others’. The neighbour's garden always seems greener. I know this because when someone is at a low point or stops for a moment, they do this, just like I do. Then there are societal and family expectations, pressure, etc. Here we are in our 30s or 40s even 50s and when you look at someone else's life and then your own, you realize that you haven’t achieved anything. You don’t have a career, you don’t have savings in your bank account, you haven’t found your soulmate yet, there’s no family, no kids, no own home, etc., while someone else in their 20s or 30s seems to have unlocked everything. Naturally, we feel like a failure, and we start looking for the fault in ourselves. You ask yourself why and how they managed to make it through, and why you haven’t. Even though you worked for it, you worked hard, and yet the long-awaited result hasn’t come, the breakthrough, the success, your wish fulfilment.
In reality, we don’t know the path our soul has planned for us. The ego has a rigid idea about what, how, and when it wants, and constantly controls and fights for these things, yet when they don’t happen, we can be very hard on ourselves. We may feel like the Universe is simply ignoring our wishes, our desires, that it keeps putting obstacles in our way, and we don’t understand why. Endless lessons from life. Naturally, we become discouraged and feel like we’ve fallen behind.
Each person’s journey in life is unique, and I believe everyone is where they’re supposed to be...but it is so hard to accept. Late bloomers, it’s not shameful if you haven’t found yourself yet, if you haven’t hit the matrix’s life achievements, or if your deepest desires haven’t manifested yet. A big hug to you, and stay strong. Flow with life, let life - your path unfold as should be, take the lessons and relax...I know it´s easier said than done, I´m in it, and I know that our ego is very goal oriented, while our soul is more the experience of journey oriented...we are impatient, we want, we do and do...while life is not a rush game.
Here’s a video that might better summarize what I wanted to say, and offer comfort if you feel this way, in any area of your life...for me gave. Nothing is wrong with you...just the programming and our mind which is a powerful tool but we overthink a lot...but this is another topics.
One of my favorite cartoon is Mulan, and it really touched my heart when Mulan’s father tried to comfort his daughter under the cherry trees. "My, my, what beautiful blossoms we have this year. But look! This one's late. But I'll bet that when it blooms, it will be the most beautiful of all."
I end this post here with a beautiful music again from Schiller - Hochland.
I'm back, feeling better every day, but still not 100%. I hope you are well.
Today's weekend vibezz fell on February 14th, Valentine's Day. You can love or hate this commercial holiday, the shops are full of heart-shaped gifts, the flower shops and chocolate business is booming, as are wellness hotel and restaurant reservations. But this "holiday" is not only for lovers, but also for friendships. In many countries, friendships are also celebrated on this day - so I wish all my readers a Happy Heart's Day.
I think you've noticed a few changes to the blog, and I hope you like the new design. As I mentioned in my post last week, I've been enjoying "playing around" with AI lately. I started generating images primarily to create something unique for my cross-stitch hobby. I'm currently experimenting with how well images can be transferred into stitched images. But since I've created quite a few good images that I like, I thought I'd share them than to sit on it and hold it back. I've come up with a few favourites that are dear to my heart, and I'd like to implement them in cross-stitch.
I've always wanted to have some "my own creation" for my blog and my hobby, and now this little wish has finally come true. A few months ago I wanted a completely different concept, but while I was tossing and turning in bed sick in the evenings, this idea came to me. The image had been ready since weeks, but at the time I didn't know what I needed it for. With the previous image, I felt that it was "outdated", no longer relevant. I'm not saying that there aren't armadas of spaceships around Earth and our solar system, but that the focus is completely different now.
Those we have been waiting for are already here, doing their job, as are we, some this way, some that way. The focus is now more on Mother Earth, and the Goddess energy, because in these turbulent times, kindness, grace, love, nurturing and soft energies are very important, so that we do not lose ourselves in the chaos outside and inside, because it is very easy to spiral into low frequency mode, due to external changes, internal purges and constant mind chat.
We have been operating with masculine energies for so long, especially us women, that we have forgotten what it is like to surround ourselves, the world with real, pure, feminine energies. To express ourselves in whatever word, deed, hobby, and to truly embrace ourselves with all our aspects, requires great courage, as a trauma arose in many people when they exposed their inner world to the world and received nothing in return but rejection, coldness, criticism, hurt and misunderstanding. Perhaps this is why depression has become a common disease, as we suppress who we are within ourselves, we compromise in order to receive acceptance from the majority in return. Humans has always lived in families, tribes, we are actually a social being, and in today's world, loneliness is what eats a person from the inside. Even though there are 8 billion of people on Earth, even though we are surrounded by so many people, we still feel alone.
We want to fit in, get acceptance, understood, seen so much that we often compromise for it, dim our light, going with the mainstream flow, going after what is "normal", "allowed", because who wants to be socially excluded. No matter how much we try to fit into the box that this society has generated, some part of our body always peeks out of it. We have to realize that we were not born to the size of a "normal matrix box". Our task is to embrace our uniqueness, stand strong in it, stand out, even if the tornado of chaos of the world sucks us in, we still remain true to our path, our soul and our tasks. Each and every soul has brought something unique to this planet and without it this common symphony would not be complete.
I also wanted to "fit in" but no matter how many times I tried I stood out from the crowd. But more than that I always wanted to belong somewhere. During a meditation I had a short vision, about this thought. I saw humanity walking en masse and between every 10-20 people there was a tall slim alien figure, completely standing out from the crowd. The placement of these outstanding figures was perfectly arranged. The people didn't notice us, but they was calm as they marched, and we were, smiling and walking with them, and we saw each other.
As the spiritual community calls "us" - lightworkers, lightwarriors (I not really like these names to be honest), we often find ourselves "isolated" from each other and there are hardly any people in our immediate environment who resonate with us, are on the same wavelength, or understand us. Many of us grew up being the "black sheep" of the family, because very often - which is also our task - we stand out - we break with the unhealthy family dynamics. It's not an easy task to be a light, a way shower, healer, a seer, an empath, but even the most beautiful diamonds or lotuses blossom into perfection under difficult circumstances.
What struck me is that you have to go through what you are going through in order to understand, heal, and show the way to others who are going through the same thing. Because at that time you have a natural compassion, patience, and understanding about the thing - the event, and you can give advice, attention, truths, healing, and wisdom to others, because you have already walked that path.
Now I'm going to share my story with you, especially if you want to create something and not make the same mistake I did back then.
It all started in elementary school when my favourite Hungarian teacher gave us an assignment to write an essay in class, which could be anything. I've never had a problem with my imagination since I was a child, and that was the first time I wrote down a vision of mine. Back then, I had no inhibitions or fears about writing down what was inside me. The story in short: something happened in the world, the sky is grey, smoky, our street and our house was in ruins and I was sitting alone on the ruins, crying, but suddenly a spaceship descended from the sky and then landed on the street close to me. A handsome young man stepped out of it, I recognized him it was Luke Skywalker and he told me what had happened to our world and that he had come to take me to safety.
My teacher really loved it, he read it to the others and my class laughed. That's when I first felt embarrassment and a bit shame about my inner world and fantasy. This teacher even included my short fantasy story in the school newspaper. He was the one who encouraged me to write. Then not only my class, but the whole school knew that my crush was Luke from Star Wars... and now you too.
I started writing, a book, but also short stories. I gave it to my mother to read, and I watched every emotion on her face, what came out of it - crying, laughing, indifference? I started to depend on outside opinions, reactions and validations.
My mother's and my friends opinion and appreciation were no longer enough, and then I came across a writer on the internet (I had never heard of him before) on whose page you could upload your short story and he would give you his opinion, help you correct mistakes, and give you advice. Many people took advantage of the opportunity and I wanted to try it myself.
I wrote a very dark short story, inspired by my friend´s dark poem, about a new-born baby who was thrown away, who is found by a homeless person with one leg and taken to a nearby hospital to be saved. Even then, I was sensitive to social issues, and with this short story I wanted to draw attention to abandoned new-borns babies issue. I uploaded it to the website and within a few days the "expert opinion" was published, which caused me to stop writing for years - decades. The criticism I received was very negative, the stylistic errors I not took on my heart, I thought it was constructive criticism, but what broke me was that they questioned, nullified my imagination, my voice, my message. My writing is not viable - there is no such thing, shit this and that etc. The worst thing is that at least 20 people criticized my short story negatively and not a single person stood up for me or saw good in it. Unfortunately, many unwanted babies are abandoned in the world, not even given a chance to live, and why shouldn't a kind-hearted homeless person be the one to give it a chance? This writer was able to extinguish my passion for a long time except my fantasy just I not shared with nobody what´s in me anymore...as if the flame that burned inside me had been blown out. And why? Because I naively placed him above myself, since he was a recognized author with a few accolades, and I gave my power away to him and the other new writers.
External validity and acceptance were too important to me, so much that I started not trusting myself, what I had to say especially it founded to deaf ear. The breakthrough came when there was an opportunity, a competition at a book publisher, where you could apply with your manuscript and the jury would publish the 3 best stories in book form. I wrote day and night, besides school, to finish my book, which I started in elementary school. I sent it, waited months, hoped, prayed, wished, this was my dream back then.
Then I broke down again. I was not the chosen one. But I didn't give up so easily, I sent my manuscript to all book publishers and was disappointed again, because they either didn't even wrote to me back or rejected me. The only publisher who talked to me was self-publishing, where I would have had to raise the money for it. My parents couldn't help me because of our financial situation, so I had to turn down this only option, since there was no Amazon or e-books or anything else at that time. I was devastated, the flickering light had finally gone out. I thought the problem was with me, or that there really was no buyer for my imagination. Nobody wanted to read about other dimensional world who protecting ours. A few years later, when I felt like writing again, it simply didn't work, I no longer felt the same way I did then, like you want to light a wet match.
I expressed my opinions about things to my family and friends, but I didn't dare to write them down to people I didn't know, especially in the internet because I was still in pain from all the negative criticism, laugh and rejection. I saw in many comments that people were so capable of fighting and bite each other's throat over differences of opinion that I didn't want this kind of experience. I covered myself up by saying that others before me had already written the same thoughts what I wanted to say about things, and they do much better than I ever would.
Then I started this blog, and then over the years I tried to write again, to test the waters. That was a little breakthrough, as I watched people in a few comment sections on Facebook, for example, and I came to the conclusion that if these "ignorant" people can use any kind of expression about themself and their opinions themselves in any form be it rude, negative, selfish etc, then why can't I? So I started writing some very short posts, and through many years I finally here, where I write about things, share my opinion and express myself. It´s a long journey.
A few years ago, when I started making my first cross-stitch picture, I felt something like I did when I wrote as a kid. I was surprised that I had so much patience and perseverance to spend months making each picture and already starting a new one after. My passion came back, I found joy in the hobby, that I can create something by hand, with earthly materials, and I am grateful that I can do it. Then I told myself - Don't let anyone take that away from you again - no matter what anyone says or does. I love what I do, I love creating and I love looking at my finished pictures, and I want the future owner to find joy in them as much as I do.
It took a long time to heal, embrace the lesson what I learned, so that I can give to you. If you have a passion, a hobby, don't let other people take away those. Don't give your power away to others. Empower yourself. Trust yourself. Don't let external opinions and validations or events define you and your worth. Not every hobby is fiery passionate, but there are those that bring you peace, calm, or healing.
I also created a new page on the blog where I will upload my and AI's brainchild. If you like any of them, you can use them but please credit me back or my blog. Thank you :) http://beyondtheveil2017.blogspot.com/p/my-pictures.html
That's all I have for today, and to close, some music, again from Schiller.
