Hello, I hope everyone is having a "good" January.
Mine is too, except for a few days when "hurts" come to the surface and my ego throws a tantrum. On a human level, there are experiences that are not pleasant, especially if we only see from one perspective and we don't see the bigger picture and where it leads. There are moments when we question the "meaning" of this or that, does it lead somewhere, is what I'm doing enough, am I doing it right, is my work helping others, and where is my success?
I'll tell you, I've been honestly thinking this week about whether what I'm doing actually has "meaning", what I'm sharing, writing down my own thoughts and points of view, does it help, does it add "something" to the common, and why I mostly feel unsupported, left out of the cold by people. I know these are all my "hurts", shadow self blah blah, but these feelings so real. An experience and the thoughts and feelings it generates are just as real and believable, even if they are not true. Our ego only sees a small slice of life, not know what´s behind the scene, always think the worst case scenario, generates a story during an experience, and, stuck in the past, projects the same experience onto the present and the future.
There are situations - quite a few - when we have no control over what happens, who reacts how and what, and what they do or don't do. In such cases, the best way to maintain our peace of mind is through acceptance and control of our own reactions and actions. But this is often difficult when we get carried away by emotions. Human emotions range across a very wide range, from frustrating anger, through depression, through peace to joy. Many times, several emotions run through us at the same time or one after the other, and in such cases we tend to wonder if we are actually "normal". Many people cannot cope with the intense feelings that arise after an event and suppress them, but in fact the feelings remain there and accumulate. There are trigger points when these suppressed feelings come to the surface, but there are also cases when we suppress them with certain physical substances and in many cases disconnecting from our emotions. This is the worst and unfortunately a lot of people suffer from this. The energies that are coming in are all taking these out of us, they are also pressing on our trigger points, because we can't go where we need to go with a big package. This is a challenging process, as many people don't know what is happening and why, and it is easy to get lost in the thoughts and stories generated by the mind.
The other thing we do not do ourselves any good is to compare ourselves to others. This usually remains with us from childhood, as many of our parents often or constantly compared us with other children, even comparing the level of development the babies with others - "the grass next door is always greener", and an internal harsh criticism and the trauma of "I am not good enough" develop within us. We can say that this is one of the basic programs in many of us, as many star seeds - light workers etc - acting differently since childhood - the black sheep of the family - and we have received so much hurt for this that we need so much inner work to delete these programs. The more we wanted to fit in with the crowd, the more we stood out from the crowd and we always get caught, since we are all unique, with unique light codes, missions, paths and experiences, personalities and skills. This comparison remains in adulthood and a lot of work needs to be done internally to free ourselves from these programs.
The other common program is self-worth and self-esteem, which they are constantly trying to pull down. We don't really know how valuable we are, we weren't taught that, only that if you have this and that in the physical world, then you are valuable. In this materialistic world, you are valuable if you have graduated from school - university, have a good job, have money - a house - a car - newest cell phone - wear designer clothes - have a family, etc. In fact, this is not true. A distorted egoistic material worldview of a person's value and this is the matrix where human value is measured in numbers. After all, we are not defined by what we have accumulated in the material world, but by the spirit itself. We are valuable even if we do nothing in the world. But this is not something to know in theory, this must be felt and known from within.
Related to this, I recently watched the anime series Beastars, the essence of which is that carnivores and herbivores live in a society. These creatures have the instinct of hunter and prey, desire and fear. No matter how hard these animals try to suppress the instinct, the ancient program, they can't. Legoshi, the gray wolf, is the main character, who tries to suppress this instinct, since his love is a bunny, and want to protect and friends with the herbivores animals, and during his training he realizes that all life is valuable - life itself is valuable, no matter how small or big. But you can't go against the laws of life - its cycle. There were some interesting thoughts in this anime.
We tend to see ourselves, our work, our lives through a very narrow lens and often external events break our self-esteem. But in reality these events show us that we see ourselves badly. We give others respect, compassion, love, care, but in reality we give ourselves little and with a lot of harsh self-criticism. There was a good advice that I also try to take and recommend further, that you should treat yourself like a small child or your best friend.
I would say that I was my own worst enemy in terms of criticism. It wasn't hard, because I received a lot of negative criticism from a very young age in many areas of life and was raised to do the tasks perfectly. I have somewhat recovered in this area, because my writing or anything I do is anything but not perfect. I call it nowadays Imperfectly perfect - it´s okay :) My old self wouldn't have published a single article or cross-stitch picture or anything, because it's not perfect in terms of internal criticism.
The many external criticisms taught me that you can constantly correct yourself, to meet the expectations of others, thus losing yourself, or you can continue to live - think - dress - do what you do, the way you do, because that's how you feel good inside, preserving your individuality. The first way is easy, but you will realize sooner or later that you will never be "accepted" completely, and you will never meet all expectations, because they simply place unrealistic expectations on you. And if you constantly meet external expectations and others, you will lose yourself, and at some point you will no longer know who you really are among the many programs. I tried to change a little in terms of integration, but after a week in a single moment a sudden realization hit me hard that this is not me. This quality that they wanted to force on me doesn't come from within, it's someone else's quality that they wish I had.
The other way is hard, like climbing mountains blindfolded and being constantly hit with a stick...maybe that's why I became defensive and building walls but I try to be open too. But every criticism and judgment is like a stab in the heart... if we allow it. We project our own expectations, hurts and insecurities onto another person because we arrogantly think that our way of doing things and liking is the only way, and so maybe we accept that other person. Maybe that's why we criticize as humans...this is where acceptance comes into play.
Right now, everyone is playing a character, and when the curtain of our lives comes down, we finish the game of life, we take off this mask and we are again our soul self. We will never be the character we are playing right now, because a new game requires a new player. So accept this character you are playing, because it is temporary, love it, work with it, accept it, heal it, correct it if you don´t like something - not because of others, just because of you - because this is what you have chosen for this journey.
That's it for now.
The media is currently in a frenzy over Trump's new laws, it's good to see he's not wasting his time. The withdrawal from the WHO has stirred up a lot of dust, which would be good if they were also withdrawn in Europe. The latest, and one that will stir up a lot of standing water, is the declassification of the Kennedy assassination files. How much of this will actually become true and under what circumstances, well, we'll see.
This post fits perfectly - Titanium by David Guetta..and of course it´s a remix 😅
and this post it´s okay...not perfect...imperfectly perfect in this moment 😸
Have a nice weekend and a good week ahead :)
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